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Posts Tagged ‘letting go’

Learning To Say Good Bye

Learning To Say Good Bye

There are so many levels and forms of “Good Bye.”  Most of us don’t realize the full extent of the process until it’s our turn to walk the path.  It may be a child leaving for kindergarten or college, a divorce, a decline in health or the ultimate… a death.  Even though I have ventured down each of these paths before, every time it is new and fresh with lessons to be learned.memom

Since my Mothers passing in February, I have gone through the typical ups an downs of my grief and loss.  Missing her is something that I really can’t even put into words.  i will be doing fine and then the next thing I know something triggers a strong memory.  It could be a smell, a picture, a phrase someone says or even a faint voice I hear on occasion and I would swear she is right next to me.  Her presence still feels so close.

In the past few weeks a new decision was put before my family.

What to do with my parents beautiful lake home.

lake 1The decision was far from easy.  Although my brothers and I now own it together, our lifestyles are very different.  Not everyone lives in the same state and so the logistics for using the cabin became uneven.  Each with our own busy life and trying to maintain our own homes, adding a another into the equation complicated things to say the least. Seeing eye to eye on fiscal responsibilities and life philosophies can be difficult in a family. The past couple of weeks have been painful for us all, but the decision to sell seemed to be the only real option.

Going through and staging the home for sale I cleaned, and packed and tossed and cried.  I prayed for clarity and peace in my heart as my soul aches over the decision.  When I would  sit to rest, my eyes would scan over all the belongings…

The old ugly glass lamps which my mother loved have now become so precious to me.  My fathers recliner that comforts me as I try to relax.  Moms loon collection and glassware which is more than any one person could ever use… The simple scents of old perfume, the feel of dads tools in my hand.  It’s amazing how we look at things differently once someone is no longer physically in our lives.

The end of a era so wonderful and filled with joy.  The emotions  are embedded in my body.  When I cry, not only do tears come, but at times my stomach twists, turns and aches in pain over the loss of them.  Yet when I laugh and remember the times of joy.  My emotions are just as strong; making me smile, laugh boldly and even tears of love and hope and joy will stream down my face.

It is all up to God and the universe to lay out the future and what is to be.  All we can do is make the best decisions with the information we have at the time, and let go. And then let go again and again.

The worrying does us no good but to make us spin in doubt.  We all must move forward as difficult as it is and live our lives – fulfill our missions and walk our own paths.

mom and dad weddingI am so grateful to have had such wonderful parents who filled my heart with love and compassion.  Both excellent teachers and leaders in their own way.  May they understand how difficult it is for us to let go of the cabin.  May they appreciate how we all feel their home deserves a wonderful family who will care for it the way they did. A family who will have the time, money and energy to maintain the home in a loving fashion.  A family who will love it and share it with their friends and family, creating beautiful moments of joy, that will one day be truly appreciated at a soul level.

If the cabin is meant to sell it will…

if not, well I guess we still have lessons to learn.

May you each process your own loss in all the various forms it comes in.  May you find peace within your journey and blessings in the lessons you have learned.  May you find the ability to share openly your emotions with others, so you can fully release the pain you feel.

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An Amazing Letter from a Son to His Mother with Alzheimer’s Disease

Here is just one example of the benefits to belonging to an online support group.  The group I belong to is called “Memory People” on Facebook. I have been at times overwhelmed with the supportive and honest conversations between those with Dementia and the Caregivers of those with Memory Loss. I want you to know that nothing communicated in the Memory People group is for public use without authorization.  Both Mother and son have given me the honor of publishing this letter on the blog, as to help others.  A big “Thanks” goes out to both of them.  🙂

This is an Amazing letter from a Son to his Mother with Alzheimer’s Disease.  The insight and guidance given is incredible and precious.  His Mothers says she reads it every day.  Enjoy!

Mom,

Maybe it’s not so bad to slowly lose memories: you won’t even know it’s happening until you try to remember it and it’s gone. Rather than worry, I say submit to the chaos…even when you don’t remember who the people are right in front of you, just know always that you are surrounded by people that love you. What more could any person wish?

Never submit to despair: it’s a universal law of nature all things must obey: they are created, they’re around for a while, then they are returned to nature. Rocks, trees, stars, planets, and people: we all exist only for some time. Enjoy the time you do have, because you are one of the few lucky individuals that will ever get to have any time to enjoy at all. Of all the billions of people that came before you, the trillions of plants and animals that came before us, the number of things that never existed is even larger.

So create, you creature! Write words, draw pictures; ideas are of no use to anyone unless they’re put down somewhere. Consider this: every sentence you read of mine, I am transferring thoughts into your head. You are here with me now as I write these words. You will always be with me, for as we read these words, we are of one mind. This magic that we call reading is time travel for author and reader alike. I am with you in the future, dear reader, and you are with me in the past, your humble author.

Try this…imagine the time before you were born. Of course you can’t, not exactly anyway…you can only be told about it from witnesses: pictures, books, films, etc.

Now try to imagine ten million years from now. Of course we can’t do that either. We can hope for things to happen, but anything we hope for is pure fiction: useless except as art.

So this time in the middle, the time that you’re around and breathing, that’s the special time. Not any particular time at all, but that entire time, all of it. Every beat of your heart is a miracle of nature. Every living thing is the pinnacle of creation; every cell is divine.

We are of this lonely universe, which is slowly but surely rending all matter back into the energy it was made of. So enjoy your existence…there is no time EXCEPT the present! One long stream of nows that we call the past, and another stream of nows that we call the future, with one, just one, right there in the middle right…..about….now!

As we forget the past and ignore the future, we live more and more ‘in the now’. Soon, every movie you see will be brand new! Later, every great new song will be brand new! Even later, every hilarious commercial will be enjoyable all over again, forever! Then still later, every person that enters the room will be someone new to meet! Oh how much fun that could be, like being a kid all over again. Scary, but exciting…change is inevitable.

So always keep that curiosity, that wonder, of being in this world, for you are one of the lucky ones. Know deeply that you are loved, and that all is right in the universe, whether it’s all right with us or not.

Love,

Ken

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