By Rick Phelps, Founder of Memory People
I’m tired. I say that alot anymore. I tell Phyllis June all the time. Leeanne, anyone who listens.
But sometimes its not a tired as you would expect. I like to think I am in the early stages of this disease. Somedays I know better, but I still like to think that I am.
But I am tired. I imagine other patients like me are also. What I am tired of is not being able to remember.
I can’t remember a day when I could remember things. It puts such a mental and physical strain on a person. I think my brain is working way to much.
Having to try to remember everything. And not being able to. It’s constant. I know it will get worse.
My greatest fear is and always will be for the ones who cannot communicate this. The ones this disease has robbed them of being able to even say they have no idea what is going on.
I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. Not knowing where I am, or what is going on. I have these horrible nightmares. As many patients do.
In the mornings as soon as my eyes open this disease is there. Course it would be. It’s ones brain. Everything that goes on is controlled by your brain.
Just not being able to remember is only a small part of it. But the day in and day out of not remembering is getting the best of me. Mentally.
Go figure. The one thing this disease does, robs you of your memories and thoughts, is the very thing that I and others are struggling with daily.
Then knowing that today is or very well could be the best it is ever going to be. I am posting this not for any sort of sympathy, I just want to explain what I go through, and what I am sure your loved one is, even if they can no longer communicate it.
I’m tired. I suppose its no wonder. This disease drains you mentally and physically. I often think I cannot put one foot in front of the other. But know I must.
Remember this, your loved one is effected in many ways other than memory loss. The brain controls everything we do, not just our memory.
I would love just once to say “hey, I remember that.” or to be able to understand half the things people tell me.
And to be able to go from room to room in your own house and know why your in the bedroom, or in the laundry room. It’s the things we take for granted that this disease takes.
I cannot imagine how a caregiver/family member sits and watches their loved one fade away. This has to be the worst feeling, the most horrible thing to watch, and not able to do one thing about.
You, the caregiver have to be tired as well…